Vulnerable Post – Just remember i’m sensitive about my shit.
Friendships are supposed to bring joy, support, and connection into our lives. However, I’ve found myself repeatedly struggling to maintain them. Over time, I’ve noticed a pattern: friendships starting strong, only to fade away or end in conflict. It’s painful and confusing, but instead of blaming others or chalking it up to bad luck, I’ve decided to take a deep dive into why my friendships don’t work out. Looking at 40 and not having a close set of friends have been heartbreaking to me. This journey is about understanding myself better and growing into the kind of friend I aspire to be and understanding the type of friends I want in my life. Because regardless, I deserve good friends in return as well.
As I reflect, I can see certain recurring themes in my friendships. For example, some friendships ended because of misunderstandings that were never resolved, while others seemed to crumble under the weight of unmet expectations. I’ve noticed that I sometimes withdraw when I feel hurt, making it hard for my friends to know what’s really going on with me. In other cases, I’ve felt like I’ve given more than I’ve received, leading to resentment.
These patterns have left me questioning not only the actions of others but also my own behavior. Am I too sensitive? Do I pick the wrong friends? Or is there something deeper at play? Therapy has allowed me to dive deeper into this and i’m still a work in progress. I no longer reserve space to blame anymore, I simply wish to fix me and find my tribe. Lord knows, I’m missing my rocks. But if this is the will of the universe then I can accept that as well. It doesn’t mean that i have to stay in that space of being hurt. I can acknowledge but I can also rebuild.
I’ve started asking myself some tough questions:
- Am I as supportive and present as I expect others to be for me?
- Am I choosing friends who align with my values and needs, or am I drawn to people who aren’t good matches for me?
- How do I handle conflict? Do I communicate openly, or do I avoid difficult conversations?
- Have I been clear about my boundaries, and do I respect those of others?
When I ask myself these questions I know communication is probably my biggest hurdle. Which I continue to work on daily. Answering these questions hasn’t been easy, but it has been enlightening. I’ve realized that while some issues may lie with others, there are also ways I’ve contributed to the breakdown of my friendships.
One of the hardest parts of this process has been acknowledging my role in these failed friendships. I’ve realized that I can be overly guarded, which sometimes makes it hard for others to connect with me on a deeper level. I’ve also recognized that I’ve held onto friendships out of loyalty, even when they’ve become toxic or one-sided.
This isn’t about beating myself up. Instead, it’s about owning my part and understanding how I can change. Growth starts with accountability, and I’m committed to doing the work to become a better friend.
What I’ve Learned About Friendship
Through this journey, I’ve learned some important lessons:
- Trust and communication are the foundation of any healthy friendship. Without them, misunderstandings and resentment can fester.
- Boundaries are not only necessary but also a sign of respect for both myself and my friends.
- Friendships should be reciprocal. It’s important to give and receive support in a balanced way.
- Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay.
Moving forward, I’m approaching friendships with more intention. I want to build connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. This means being more mindful about who I let into my life and being clearer about my needs and boundaries.
I’ve also set some personal goals, like improving my communication skills and addressing conflict directly rather than avoiding it. I’m learning to let go of friendships that no longer serve me, while also nurturing the ones that do.
Taking a deep dive into why my friendships don’t work out has been a humbling experience, but it’s also been incredibly rewarding. I’ve gained a deeper understanding of myself and what I want from the people I surround myself with. While this journey isn’t over, I’m hopeful that these insights will help me create stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling friendships moving forward.
If you’ve ever struggled with friendships, I encourage you to reflect on your own patterns and behaviors. It’s not always easy, but the growth and self-awareness that come from it are well worth the effort.
So lets talk about it in the comments below. How are you moving into 2025 when it comes to your friendships?
I plan to talk more about my journey with rediscovering myself and how I function in friendships.
